Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt convinced me to quit my fashion industry dreams

In the summer of 2017, at 3am, I was lying in a crowded hostel dormitory in London. I could hear 14 other people snoring around me. For the past 18 months, I had been working unpaid internships in London's fashion industry and living in hostels that cost £12 a night. To block out the noise when I couldn't sleep, I would watch TV on my old phone. I was watching Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, a comedy show about a woman who moves to New York after being kept in a doomsday cult's underground bunker for 15 years.

Kimmy's constant optimism usually helped me stay motivated, but on this particular night, it had the opposite effect. Instead of encouraging me to continue, the show gave me the courage to give up on my current path.

Growing up in Essex, I had always imagined a future in fashion. My dream was to live in an artist's studio, work for Vogue magazine, and attend exclusive events. The reality, however, was very different. At 23, I was technically employed by one of the biggest fashion magazines, a publication I deeply admired as I grew up. However, as an intern, I received no salary. I worked from 9am to 5pm, often spending hours in the fashion closet. Afterwards, from 7pm until 2am, I did various other jobs, like handing out flyers for gyms or working the door at a strip club. I did this to earn enough money to pay for my hostel accommodation. Most hostels offered a free breakfast, which was typically my only hot meal of the day. At the start of each week, I would buy a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter, and have sandwiches for dinner. My parents supported my aspirations, but they could not provide financial help.

I desperately wanted to appear well-dressed and fit in at my workplace, but it wasn't safe to leave my belongings in the hostel. Therefore, I had to carry everything I owned in a backpack. One day, my only pair of shoes, silver glittery ballet flats, fell apart. I hid in the office's fashion closet and used tape to fix them. Looking up, I saw I was surrounded by expensive designer high heels.

I attempted to keep my difficult situation private. However, one fashion PR company where I had previously interned discovered I was living in hostels. They then informed my entire office that I was homeless. My boss publicly gave me £100 in cash and called me brave. This same boss had previously paid me in 'experience' and 'exposure' instead of money.

Every unpaid internship came with the promise that it 'could lead to a full-time job'. This encouraged me to believe that my big break was imminent. I thought that if I was in the right place, at the right time, said the right things, and wore the right clothes, I could succeed. Yet, more than a year had passed, and the only interns I saw get promoted seemed to already have industry connections.

In the specific episode of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt I watched that night, titled 'Kimmy Gives Up!', Kimmy's optimistic facade finally begins to fade. Her landlord, Lillian, offers her some timely advice: 'I know you’re tough and you never give up, but sometimes the hardest thing you can do is just quit and walk away.' Lillian also sings a song called 'Just Go On', a humorous parody of 'Tomorrow' from the musical Annie. During that minute and 53 seconds, something inside me clicked.

I remember lying in that triple bunk bed, silently crying. I had been very positive, just like Kimmy, and had made huge efforts for these internships, but I could no longer maintain the pretense. The next day, I resigned. I informed my boss that I had run out of money, was living in hostels, and could no longer work for free. She seemed indifferent and made it clear that I was easily replaceable. However, another quote from Lillian echoed in my mind: 'The sooner you quit something that stinks, the sooner you’ll get something that doesn’t. Save your hope for that.' So, I did.

Since then, I have developed a career in film and television, primarily in comedy. The song 'Just Go On' has become a personal anthem, often playing in my head when I face difficult decisions about whether to stay or leave a situation. If I had not left that office, I would not have discovered the opportunities that were waiting for me all along.